The last month or so of my pregnancy with Zen, I struggled with mom guilt. Hard.

My firstborn, my precious daughter, was not going to be an only child anymore. She wasn’t going to have me all to herself. She was going to have to share her toys, her space, her screen time. Her daddy. Her mommy.

She didn’t ask for this. This was something that was just being thrown her way and that she would be expected to just adjust to.

The fact is, she did so with flying colors. She was so excited to meet Zen; she stroked and hugged my tummy every time she got the chance. She would always ask when she could meet him, could I get him out already, when was he going to be here? 

When I had him, we video chatted her from the hospital, and her face lit up. “Aww!” she exclaimed, and asked when he was coming home.

She loved him from the beginning. She was constantly finding ways to help out and be near him. She was always kissing him, hugging him, asking to hold him. 

As he’s getting older, she’s having to adjust to sharing a little bit more than just Mommy and Daddy.

Her space. Her toys. Our time. Things that have always been solely hers, are now being used by someone else.

To be completely honest, it is a struggle sometimes. She doesn’t always want to share her toys, especially her special ones. She doesn’t want him touching them, or even be nearing them.

We’re learning how to “make a trade.” If she wants what he has, and/or doesn’t want him to have something, she needs to give him something he can play with, BEFORE she takes the toy he has away from him.

Of course she still loves him. She still hugs him, kisses him, wants to be near him. If he’s napping for a while, she’ll start asking, “Where’s Zen?! What is Zen doing?”

One of my favorite things to do is to watch my kids laughing and playing together. They chase each other around the house. They play dolls and stuffed animals and cars. They make music on pianos and other instrumental toys and they dance together.

As my pregnancy ended and I delivered Zen, I was having mom guilt that I was turning Bayleigh’s world upside down. I quickly realized, however, that having a sibling is a gift. I knew this of course, having my own sister, but it’s somehow different when it’s your children. 

I know everyone is different, but all I have to say is, you’re not a bad person for having another baby. It might take some adjusting for everyone, but it is amazing to watch your firstborn become an older sibling.

My kids have a best friend in each other, and that’s a beautiful thing.